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cemetery_things2008-02-22 02:47 pm
murdering) wrote in cemetery_things2008-02-22 02:47 pm
Entry tags:
[ D. Gray-man ] Destruction
+ Title: Destruction
+ Fandom: D. Gray-man
+ Characters: Rhode Kamelot, Allen Walker, Bookman, Ravi
+ Rating: T
+ Word Count: 596
+ Fandom: D. Gray-man
+ Characters: Rhode Kamelot, Allen Walker, Bookman, Ravi
+ Rating: T
+ Word Count: 596
“God, no- God-“
His voice was raw, throat aching with the sting of his own blood and the pain of speaking. He couldn’t stop screaming, though, watching the world fall apart in fire and blood. The stones fell from the walls, the ceiling that was no longer there. It was gone, destroyed, the only thing left that shining green piece of Innocence on the cratered floor.
It had devoured her. That thing had killed Rinali.
He scrabbled over the debris with a hiss, a gasping breath of despair in his throat as he moved- The ground shook, some part of the building collapsing with a final groan of defeat.
The boy took it in his hand with a low, pained sound, the green glowing so innocently against his skin. Innocent? No, not Innocent. There was no Innocence that could destroy something so pure.
“Bring her back.”
Nothing. Cheerful glow. Killed a traitor and done for now.
“BRING HER BACK!”
A scream, a high crystalline tone as he slammed it to the rocks in rage; It could do nothing- Nothing. He wailed, shaking it desperately.
It crumbled to dust in his hands, shrieking a final time before disappearing into the air. He was breathing it, now, breathing in the last piece of her. The walls began to break, and the stones fell toward him with resigned sounds.
He looked to the black sky, watching the world fall down with a choked sob. It was over now.
Something fell on his bloodied arm, a loud crunch reverberating through his frame as the world began to collapse. Something was dark, swirling, taking hold of his heavy body and pulling it into some ethereal world of cold air.
“Look out, it’s falling-“
Allen gasped, a mouthful of dust and strange air, and he gagged into the dark. He couldn’t breathe, he was glad he couldn’t breathe-
He let himself die, and heard a girl’s voice. Rinali was coming to take him home…
Rhode held Allen tightly, dragging him through her door with her arms under his own. Her small muscles were straining with his weight, but she wouldn’t leave him there to die.
An old man’s voice rang through the purple-blue dark, a harsh tone. “Noah!”
She paused, breathing heavily and looking toward the Bookman. He had his apprentice, a bloodied, cut up mess beneath a pile of stone- Red like his hair, and his face was covered with it.
“Neutrality?” The girl shouted the word, almost mocking as it echoed between two worlds. The building groaned again, threatening a final fall. Ravi groaned as the rocks shifted, and she hesitated- The old man was staring at her, eyes burning to her heart with painful clarity.
The Noah closed her eyes, concentrating for a moment and pushing the debris away with a shove of her mind. Ravi’s scream as the old man pulled him away from the wreckage sent smaller pieces of dirt falling from above, bone and skin breaking as he was dragged from danger.
“The Earl might be willing to talk to you.” Rhode was still panting, holding Allen tightly as he bled across her blouse. “It’s over in Europe.”
Bookman made a strained sound as he pulled the young man through the door, a strange expression on his face as the boy groaned in pain. “Strange to hear charity from a Noah.”
“This is history, old man.” Rhode sounded concerned, grip tightening on the Exorcist in her arms. “If you don’t write down the truth, nobody will be left in the world to know what happens now.”
His voice was raw, throat aching with the sting of his own blood and the pain of speaking. He couldn’t stop screaming, though, watching the world fall apart in fire and blood. The stones fell from the walls, the ceiling that was no longer there. It was gone, destroyed, the only thing left that shining green piece of Innocence on the cratered floor.
It had devoured her. That thing had killed Rinali.
He scrabbled over the debris with a hiss, a gasping breath of despair in his throat as he moved- The ground shook, some part of the building collapsing with a final groan of defeat.
The boy took it in his hand with a low, pained sound, the green glowing so innocently against his skin. Innocent? No, not Innocent. There was no Innocence that could destroy something so pure.
“Bring her back.”
Nothing. Cheerful glow. Killed a traitor and done for now.
“BRING HER BACK!”
A scream, a high crystalline tone as he slammed it to the rocks in rage; It could do nothing- Nothing. He wailed, shaking it desperately.
It crumbled to dust in his hands, shrieking a final time before disappearing into the air. He was breathing it, now, breathing in the last piece of her. The walls began to break, and the stones fell toward him with resigned sounds.
He looked to the black sky, watching the world fall down with a choked sob. It was over now.
Something fell on his bloodied arm, a loud crunch reverberating through his frame as the world began to collapse. Something was dark, swirling, taking hold of his heavy body and pulling it into some ethereal world of cold air.
“Look out, it’s falling-“
Allen gasped, a mouthful of dust and strange air, and he gagged into the dark. He couldn’t breathe, he was glad he couldn’t breathe-
He let himself die, and heard a girl’s voice. Rinali was coming to take him home…
Rhode held Allen tightly, dragging him through her door with her arms under his own. Her small muscles were straining with his weight, but she wouldn’t leave him there to die.
An old man’s voice rang through the purple-blue dark, a harsh tone. “Noah!”
She paused, breathing heavily and looking toward the Bookman. He had his apprentice, a bloodied, cut up mess beneath a pile of stone- Red like his hair, and his face was covered with it.
“Neutrality?” The girl shouted the word, almost mocking as it echoed between two worlds. The building groaned again, threatening a final fall. Ravi groaned as the rocks shifted, and she hesitated- The old man was staring at her, eyes burning to her heart with painful clarity.
The Noah closed her eyes, concentrating for a moment and pushing the debris away with a shove of her mind. Ravi’s scream as the old man pulled him away from the wreckage sent smaller pieces of dirt falling from above, bone and skin breaking as he was dragged from danger.
“The Earl might be willing to talk to you.” Rhode was still panting, holding Allen tightly as he bled across her blouse. “It’s over in Europe.”
Bookman made a strained sound as he pulled the young man through the door, a strange expression on his face as the boy groaned in pain. “Strange to hear charity from a Noah.”
“This is history, old man.” Rhode sounded concerned, grip tightening on the Exorcist in her arms. “If you don’t write down the truth, nobody will be left in the world to know what happens now.”
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*A*
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I LOVED IT ♥
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The first half was very sad and moving. I particularly liked the lines: "Nothing. Cheerful glow. Killed a traitor and done for now." and "He couldn’t breathe, he was glad he couldn’t breathe." However, it has one major flaw--you don't let the reader know who the speaker is until the end of the section. I wasn't sure if I should be picturing Rabi or Allen, and had to go back and read it again after I found out it was Allen. Please, indicate who the characters in a scene are unless you have a very, very good reason not to. In this case, being able to visualize a specific character is vital in highlighting the raw emotion of the scene, which was otherwise excellently done.
I enjoyed all of Rhode's actions in the second half. I can visualize her dragging Allen across the floor, and I was glad when she chose to save Rabi. Also, her final words make a good ending line.
I apologize if my comment comes over as too strong--let me know if you aren't looking for critique. (Until then...I believe in feedback. :P ) At any rate, try replacing the first "his" with "Allen." I feel that will greatly improve the quality of this overall well-written fic.
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It's totally cool, though. XDD Seriously. I'll probably work on editing stuff this week, since the life!attack is over for the time being. ^_^
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Writing (or drawing) as a stress outlet can be very helpful sometimes. I know I do it. (With drawing, usually.) XD
Also, Jasdevi icon = YAY